The danger in this is that the other person may feel defeated, slighted, or resentful. These lingering feelings may very well contaminate the relationship, ultimately leading to unhappiness for you. A second is for the resolution to benefit the other person but not you — a lose—win proposition. In this, you may very well feel upset, possibly contaminating your future interactions with this person, making harmony and happiness a casualty. A third resolution is that it ends up bad for both of you.
You both feel like you lost and you both will likely carry bad feeling forward. There is unlikely to be no happiness here for anyone and the future of the relationship may very well be put into jeopardy. The best outcome is when you work hard to find a resolution that works for both of you. You see to it that there are no losers. You both win and feel good about the outcome. This insures that you both continue to derive pleasure from the relationship without being dragged down by hurt or resentment.
When Patti and I first met over 25 years ago, I owned my own residence. It perfectly fit my needs. I had virtually no yard work, no snow to shovel, no outside maintenance. Sitting only blocks from a golf course, I loved its modern architecture.
Having spent years in the Caribbean before renting a log cabin on a sprawling farm outside Charlottesville, she reveled in her rustic privacy. She could literally leave her front door open all day, had no neighbors, and was able to experience the sights and sounds of nature anytime day or night.
When we married it made sense for her to move into my house as I owned and she rented. Though she willingly did so, she was never content there. While Patti lobbied to move to a home that better suited her, I resisted. Discussions went back-and-forth, neither of us happy with the outcome.
Tied to we each getting our own way, we strived vigorously to convince the other of the validity of our positions. We both operated from a win—lose mentality.
I distinctly remember the day of our breakthrough. With a twinkle in her eye, Patti approached me and asked: She wondered if we could use the same tools.
The Happiness Trap: Why You’re Never Satisfied and How to Break the Cycle
The long and short of it was that, by listening carefully to what each wanted and by working together to find a win-win solution, we found the perfect solution, one that neither of us envisioned as long as we were in combat. After about a year of diligent searching, we found the home that fit both our needs. It rests on three and one-half wooded acres with no other dwelling visible when leaves are on the trees.
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There's a stream that runs through the property, trails to walk in the woods, and deer and other wildlife meander through the property. At the same time, the house has the modern features I like, most notably floor-to-ceiling windows in the living room. This was truly a win—win resolution to our disagreement. We both take great pleasure in the house we share, so this provides us ongoing happiness. Even deeper, the courtesy and respect we showed each other by genuinely engaging in the win-win process deepened our bond and added to the ongoing happiness we derive from our relationship.
The win—win process is fairly simple and straightforward, yet it is often not easy to pull off. This is so because it requires a much different mindset than most of us bring to our disagreements. Moreover, it requires some patience and self-control , as you will see below. But, by bothering to follow the process, you will be pleasantly surprised by the solutions you find and gratified by the increased happiness you derive from your relationships. Step One — Be Alert. Rather than avoiding the differences or disagreements you may have in your relationships, acknowledge them.
Only after having realistic expectations is it worth working on improving outcomes. By increasing your reality, to realistic expectations, you reach your potential. What matters most is not your opinion. What matters most is reality. Our government is a Republic.
How to Be Happy With the Life You Have Right Now
You need to make money to survive and live comfortably. You may have weaknesses in necessary skillets. The list goes on. Trying to deny reality is futile. Many things are outside of your control. Wishing and hoping things were different only leads to anxiety.
Think interdependent, not independent.
Means goals are often only a means to a larger, more fulfilling end goal. Ends goals are our ultimate destinations. My ends goals are to be happy, healthy, and helpful. However I can achieve my ends goals regardless of tangible outcomes or any other factors outside of my control. But they do require ongoing execution. By pursuing an ongoing purpose, while gaining happiness from within , I feel at equilibrium.
One key adaptation thwarting element is attention. Here are two ways to increase your perception of reality:. Celebrating wins reinforces your attention on the positive. Expressing gratitude means appreciating what you already have. I express gratitude every morning. It can be for something small, like my coffee, or something large, like my family.
As a business leader, you have an opportunity to help others with your expertise. Take some time and become a mentor or even a sounding board for another businessperson. I'm a part of Clarity. Just don't think of mentorship as a one-way street. Both parties win when you make it a priority to give back.
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It may not seem like it when you're in the weeds of a new business launch or a major project, but you have so much to be thankful for. Unfortunately, it's all too easy to lose sight of that from time to time. When you find yourself in this position, make a list of everything you have going right--no matter how small. Create fun things to look forward to and you'll never feel unhappy again. When's your next day trip, concert, or sporting event with friends on your calendar? If you don't have something planned, set it up now to give yourself something exciting on the horizon.
Are they positive, inspiring people who encourage you to live your best life? Or are they Debbie Downers who suck the joy out of even the happiest of times? Having the right people around you in your work and personal life can make a world of difference in your mood and your overall productivity. Find the people who will believe in you even when you don't.
Did you know pets help relieve depression? If your business commitments allow it, get a loyal best friend with four paws and enjoy the relaxation you gain from your bond.
11 Things You Need to Give Up If You Want to Be Happy and Successful
If they don't, volunteer at a local animal shelter once a month for a dose of puppy love. There's no way around it--dealing with people can be a real downer sometimes. But not all people are bad. In fact, most of them are genuine and mean well, just like you and me. Focus on looking for the good in others and you'll feel happier as you begin to see it. What would the media be without its constant stream of warnings?